Merry Christmas!

Whether you celebrate Christmas, Hanukkah, Kwanzaa, or even Festivus, this is a special time of year!

From my family to yours, we wish you much love and happiness!

- Tamera

Love Is Patient, Love Is Kind

How many happy couples do you know?

Whatever the number, odds are that it's smaller than the number of unhappy ones. This unhappiness can range from those resigned to a present and future of just muddling along without much joy, to constant bickering, to all out battles and complete estrangement in the form of breaking up.

Is this the inevitable way for relationships to progress? Is it possible that two people, with different stories, needs, habits and desires, can live together in a happy, supportive, constructive partnership?

Possible? I truly believe that it is. Easy? Not really. But, then again, what thing worth having is easy to achieve?

I recently read an excellent article that gave me a lot of food for thought. If you have a few minutes, click here and read it. If you want to know what scientists have learned about what makes relationships work, it's worth your while.

Here are some excerpts from the article, which originally appeared in The Atlantic:

"Contempt, they have found, is the number one factor that tears couples apart. People who are focused on criticizing their partners miss a whopping 50 percent of positive things their partners are doing and they see negativity when it's not there."

Well, I think this can apply to any relationship - with your children, parents, co-workers, friends. If your attention is focused on seeing what others are doing wrong, you're likely to miss the good stuff. It just doesn't fit into the "story" of them that exists in your mind. So, even if you're not interested in having or improving a romantic relationship, this is a great concept to keep in mind.

As Wayne Dyer said, "Change the way you look at things and the things you look at change."

From the article:

"Kindness...glues couples together. Kindness makes each partner feel cared for, understood, and validated - feel loved. There's a great deal of evidence showing the more someone receives or witnesses kindness, the more they will be kind themselves, which lead to upward spirals of love and generosity in a relationship."

I always say, it's no more difficult to be kind than it is to be cruel. It's a choice you make, pure and simple. And the more often you choose to be kind, the better you get at it. For me, it boils down to this - what kind of world do you want to live in? I don't necessarily mean the world at large, though, that too will be influenced by your words and actions, but your own personal every day world. Do you want to fill your world with kindness, laughter and generosity or do you choose something different?

And the most surprising thing I learned from the article:

"We've all heard that partners should be there for each other when the going gets rough. But research shows that being there for each other when things go right is actually more important for relationship quality. How someone responds to a partner's good news can have dramatic consequences for the relationship."

That kind of says it all, doesn't it? To feel truly happy for another's happiness is the essence of love.

-Tamera

What a Wonderful World

If only all commercials were this uplifting! 

Take a couple of minutes out of your day and watch this ad for BBC - you'll be glad you did. And feel free to spread the joy by sharing this post with all of your friends!

Be Kind

Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle.

The recent death of Robin Williams has sent a wave of shock and sorrow through our society. While most of us never met him, we are feeling a real sense of loss at the departing of this man who brought joy to so many.

It's not just that it happened so suddenly. After all, had he been in a fatal car crash or something similar, we would have still mourned his passing. But, there would not have been the confusion and regret that many of us are left with. How could we not know that someone so visible, so well-loved by generations of people, and so gifted with the ability of making others laugh, could be living a life of such profound inner darkness?

And how many of us spend our days around people whom we never truly know, and who never really know us?

When we are greeted with a "How are you?", do we blurt out a cheerful "Fine!" because it's easier than actually sharing what's going on with us? When we take offense to someone's words or actions, do we give them any leeway, thinking that maybe there's a bigger picture that we're not seeing?

I don't know what difficulties Robin Williams was dealing with. I can't make everything better, even for the people closest and dearest to me.  And, I don't have any easy answers to the many problems we all face in our lives. 

All I can say is, when you have to choose, choose kindness. 

With love,

Tamera

Your Past Does Not Determine Your Future

Do you look at the past with regret? Do you find yourself thinking, if only I'd had better parents, better opportunities, more money - you fill in the blank - I would have done something better with my life. It's easy to fall into the line of thinking that you are where you are today because life dealt you a bad hand. After all, if you had a rocky start to begin with, how could you possibly achieve greatness? Our prisons and drug treatment centers are filled to overflowing with unfortunate people who lived through tragic childhoods that cast a dark shadow over their entire lives.

Are these unfortunate stories unavoidable? Is there a series of events early in life that predetermines the direction that that particular life must follow? Does a catastrophe occurring at any point in a person's life doom them for the rest of their life?

Hardly.

History, as well as the present day,  offer us so many examples of people who overcame unimaginable odds and achieved greatness in every field. Helen Keller, Malala Yousafzai, Frederick Douglass, Lech Walesa, Elie Wiesel, Oprah Winfrey - really this list is endless.

In my opinion, the common thread in most people's stories of overcoming adversity is this: in addition to inner strength, they had people who supported and believed in them. There was at least one person in each of their lives who said, "Here, take my hand, we can do this together."

Helen Keller had her tireless teacher and friend Annie Sullivan, Malala Yousafzai has her doting father, Frederick Douglass had Anna Murray-Douglass who helped him escape slavery and became his devoted wife, and so on with many others who beat the odds.

So, what I'm saying is, we're all in this together, folks. Look for ways you can support and uplift one another, even in small ways. Start your day with the question, "How can I serve?"

Not only will you take the focus off your own troubles, small or large, but, with more and more people living life with the attitude of giving, we will all be on the receiving end of other people's giving, as well. Our various strengths and weaknesses can be matched with those around us, so that we can all be lifted to greatness in many forms.

Here is a video about one of my all-time favorite musicians, who escaped a seeming life-sentence to poverty and crime, and became beloved by millions around the world.

Enjoy.

Tim's Place

I don't know why, but we humans tend to be afraid of those who are different from us.  We are friends with people who look like us, think like us, dress like us; we listen to radio personalities who agree with our views; and, in times past, we even killed and imprisoned people just because they didn't fit the norm.

But now, it seems to me that we are entering a new era of understanding and acceptance, at least in some parts of the world. And, some societies are even celebrating the differences that exist among us and make life more interesting. These days, there are opportunities open to people that could not have even been imagined just a couple of generations ago.

Watching the video about Tim Harris made my eyes fill with tears. The joy and love that flows from this young man just made my day. He brought back so many wonderful memories for me. When I was in high school, and for two years after I graduated, I volunteered with Down Syndrome kids, helping them to learn how to read and swim. Later, when I opened a local dance studio with my partners, I taught dance classes specifically for Down Syndrome and disabled children.

It was so very rewarding for me because these kids are the most loving people you could ever meet. They are so open, not judgmental at all. They thrive on hugs, love and smiles. They have no enemies and their view of life is so open and innocent. With the DS kids, what you see is what you get - no pretensions, no walls - just a love of life and everything in it.

And I wonder, why is it that we "normal" people can't be more like that?

In the video, Tim is excited just about going to work! How many people feel that way? How many of us start our work day with a happy dance?

How often do we let our ideas of what we can't do stand in the way of our dreams?

What can we learn from people who are different from us, and how can we use what we learn to make the world a better place?

Tim's enthusiasm and belief in himself was so strong that it swept up everyone in his path. I wonder how many people's lives he's touched just by being himself and following his heart.

Can we each take a piece of Tim's story with us, out into the world every day? Can we learn to think in terms of how we can achieve instead of why we can't?

It is possible. I'm a believer.

Guest Post - Dr. Walter J. Urban

When we wake up in the morning, we start our routine for the day. Each of us has our own special way of starting the day. Mine starts with an exercise I do in bed to slowly wake up my body.

Part of the exercise focuses on my heart as I repeat the words "heart, love and compassion." This brings my awareness to my heart. As the day progresses, we get busy with our program of things to do. Little attention is paid to our heart, as it does its job automatically. 

Take a minute and listen to your heart. Is it saying anything? Is there a message for you?

Are you on automatic, or can you stop and listen to your heart?

How would your actions and thoughts change if you could hear your heart? If you make time for your heart's message, your day may become more fulfilling. Where is the love, the loved ones - who are they? Where is the compassion - do you have any? What does your heart say each day?

Listen to your heart.

SOS

We had a lovely summer, and before we knew it, it was almost time for the kids to go back to school again. I wanted to spend some special time with my children before hopping onto the crazy happy merry-go-round of school-dance-piano-homework-sports-friends-etc. So, we decided to take a road trip, hang out together and just really enjoy being a family. In the twelve days that we spent driving around the country, we got that and so much more than we could have ever anticipated.

Upon entering Kansas, we spotted a note hanging from the "Welcome to Kansas" sign.  Well, curiosity being our calling card, we just had to investigate. This is what we found:

The Best Gift Ever

Being a mom is a crazy roller coaster ride of emotions. Anyone who's ever been a parent will tell you that it's the hardest job in the world. And most of them will also say that they wouldn't trade it for anything. I am one of those people. I can't even begin to imagine my life without my children. Sometimes the word "love" just doesn't seem big enough to describe what I feel for them.

But there are those times when I just need a moment to clear my head. Like the other day, Nicholas and Jayden were bickering, the same way brothers all throughout time have done. Usually I let them resolve their differences on their own. They need to learn how to get along with people without having mommy step in to make everything all right. But on this particular day, they just couldn't come to an understanding and it got a little bit much. So I made sure that there was nothing seriously wrong and then I went outside and took a long walk. The fresh air and the sight of serene Klamath Lake helped refresh my mind, and, by the time I returned home, I was ready to deal with anything the kids had in store for me. 

What I got, was this:

I beamed at my daughter, wrapped her up in a bear hug and covered her with kisses. 

"Open it, mama!"

I did. 

And everything was perfect.