40 Pieces of Advice Challenge - Day 13

What if I told you that, every day, I open my wallet, find a $20 bill, rip it into shreds and set it on fire?

I'm pretty sure that you would see it as a very strange practice. Maybe you would think that I was wasting something that could be of use to me or to someone else.  

And I would agree with you.  

Well, the good news is, I don't actually do that. But, most of us do burn something every single day that is worth far more than twenty dollars. And it is something we can never get more of. 

Time. 

What do you do with your time? Do you think about the past and how you should have done things differently? Do you worry about things you have no control over? Perhaps you think of everything that can go wrong in the future and end up paralyzing yourself in the present?

Do you continually find fault with the words and actions of others? Do you spend your time rehashing conversations in your mind, or have imaginary arguments with people who have done you wrong?

You're not alone. It seems to be the human condition to be wrapped up in our thoughts, constantly living in our past of our future. Many spiritual practices over thousands of years have been focused on helping us live in the present and give up our need to control things beyond our sphere of influence.  Our wisest teachers, throughout our history and our present time, have shown us, in words and by example, that life is best lived by focusing on the positive, moment by moment.

Does focusing on the positive mean that we walk with our heads in the clouds, never seeing the real needs and problems in our world? Of course not. It means finding the best course of action to take in order to serve those needs or heal those problems. It means being so mentally, emotionally and spiritually present in every moment, that we are able to see how to participate fully in this thing we call life. 

Ok, it's very easy to say, but how do you actually stay present in every moment? That is the twenty (million) dollar question. And I'm not so foolish to think that I hold the answers. What I do know is that the times I feel most alive, as though I'm seeing and hearing and feeling and smelling and tasting with amazing clarity, are the times that I am involved in following my passions. When I don't feel the passing of time because I'm exploring nature with my children, or having a heart to heart talk with a dear friend, or when I dress as a clown and make strangers smile - there are so many things. 

In these moments, it doesn't even occur to me to think about the past or contemplate the future. I just AM, and that is the most joyous state to be in. But, what if I am not in one of those moments and my mind starts down that path of worry and regret? Here are 5 things that help bring me focus:

1. Clear up any unfinished business I have with someone. Maybe it's a conversation that needs to happen, or a plan of action to be put in place, or maybe even just writing a letter that will never be sent - but getting out of my head and into the real world will automatically center me in the present moment.

2. Take action right now that will help bring about a desired outcome in the future. Am I feeling resentful because my busy day did not allow me any time to rest and refresh myself? I will take a few minutes to write down the feelings of frustration and make a plan to give myself at least a few minutes of recreation the very next day.

3. I believe in the power of laughter, so I will find something that makes me laugh. A few minutes of comedy really put things in perspective.

4. Commune with nature! I am so very fortunate to live in a place where all I have to do is step outside and I am greeted with the glory of nature. Just a few minutes of walking among trees or feeling the cool breeze play through my hair and I am refreshed and energized.

5. This one may sound like a tired old rehash, but it really works. I count my blessings. That is not to say that I compare myself to the "less fortunate", I don't. I just consciously call to mind all the good and wonderful things in my life.

So, how about you? What techniques do you use to use to keep you living in the present moment? What can you do to use the irreplaceable treasure of time to uplift your life and the lives of others?

40 Pieces of Advice Challenge - Day 11

I must confess, I changed this one a bit. The original advised to drink a glass of wine each day, and I substituted that with a green smoothie. Hey, it's my blog, and if I think that a green smoothie beats a glass of wine, then that's what I'm a-gonna say!

Now, about those berries...

Your Past Does Not Determine Your Future

Do you look at the past with regret? Do you find yourself thinking, if only I'd had better parents, better opportunities, more money - you fill in the blank - I would have done something better with my life. It's easy to fall into the line of thinking that you are where you are today because life dealt you a bad hand. After all, if you had a rocky start to begin with, how could you possibly achieve greatness? Our prisons and drug treatment centers are filled to overflowing with unfortunate people who lived through tragic childhoods that cast a dark shadow over their entire lives.

Are these unfortunate stories unavoidable? Is there a series of events early in life that predetermines the direction that that particular life must follow? Does a catastrophe occurring at any point in a person's life doom them for the rest of their life?

Hardly.

History, as well as the present day,  offer us so many examples of people who overcame unimaginable odds and achieved greatness in every field. Helen Keller, Malala Yousafzai, Frederick Douglass, Lech Walesa, Elie Wiesel, Oprah Winfrey - really this list is endless.

In my opinion, the common thread in most people's stories of overcoming adversity is this: in addition to inner strength, they had people who supported and believed in them. There was at least one person in each of their lives who said, "Here, take my hand, we can do this together."

Helen Keller had her tireless teacher and friend Annie Sullivan, Malala Yousafzai has her doting father, Frederick Douglass had Anna Murray-Douglass who helped him escape slavery and became his devoted wife, and so on with many others who beat the odds.

So, what I'm saying is, we're all in this together, folks. Look for ways you can support and uplift one another, even in small ways. Start your day with the question, "How can I serve?"

Not only will you take the focus off your own troubles, small or large, but, with more and more people living life with the attitude of giving, we will all be on the receiving end of other people's giving, as well. Our various strengths and weaknesses can be matched with those around us, so that we can all be lifted to greatness in many forms.

Here is a video about one of my all-time favorite musicians, who escaped a seeming life-sentence to poverty and crime, and became beloved by millions around the world.

Enjoy.

40 Pieces of Advice Challenge - Day 4

This is my favorite piece of advice so far, because I've been a goal setter from as far back as I can remember. I love having a plan for my day - it gives me direction and I feel great that I'm accomplishing what is important to me. And, as soon as my children were old enough to understand, I talked to them about what we wanted to accomplish that day. Even now, during our morning drive to school, we take turns talking about our plans for the day.

It's through our goals that we discover who we are and where we want to put our energies. Goals help us to see the big picture. They give us strength to get through the difficult times and keep us from being easily distracted by what is unimportant. 

Goals need to be specific.
So, if, for example, one of the kids says something like, "My goal today is to make a new friend", I would ask them how they planned on doing that. Are they going to say hello to someone on the playground that they've never talked with before? Are they going to have a pleasant expression on their face, so that people will be naturally drawn to them? 

Goals need to be written down.
Even if you never read what you've written, just the physical act of putting pen to paper (or fingers to keyboard) makes them a real part of your life.

Goals need to be achievable. 
Is your goal to be an Olympic athlete? That's great. But, if you're in your 50's and have never been physically active, then that's not an achievable goal for you. However, a completely achievable goal in the same vein would be to compete in a local tennis championship. Then, to work toward that goal, you'd need to set a smaller goal that would set you on the right track. For example, you could sign up for tennis classes at your local athletic club or community college.

Goals need to be measurable. 
"My goal is to get in shape." How many times have you heard that line? Or, maybe even said it. The spirit of this goal is admirable, but the problem with the way it's worded is that there's no way to know when it's been achieved. So, working from "get in shape", we can say something like, "My goal is to be able to do 50 pushups in a row." Or, "My goal is to be able to run a 5K in 25 minutes." 

With that being said, sometimes you have a goal for the kind of day you want to create that is more of a feeling than a concrete goal. That's ok, too! My kids and I are on a new kick of using adjectives and adverbs to plan our days. Here are this morning's selections:

Annie wanted a cool, swinging kind of day.
Nicholas said he wanted a wonderful road runner beep beep kinda day. And Jayden planned a happy bamama jamama jumping kind of day.

Do you have a goal you gave up on? Or are you newly inspired to lead your life in a different direction? Maybe you just want to have some fun! The best thing about goals is that you can have as many as you like and you can change them as you need to. The most important thing, though, is to start identifying your goals and get on with achieving them!

So what goals are you setting for yourself? Let me know in the comments section!

40 Pieces of Advice Challenge - Day 1

Happy New Year to all of my dear readers! While the date on the calendar is an arbitrary way of organizing the days of our lives, it's still a great opportunity for us to take stock of where we are, how far we've come and where we are headed.

Recently, I received one of those forwarded emails that people send to friends, full of pictures of animals that make everyone say "Aww, isn't that cute!"  It was called Forty Pieces of Advice, and across each picture, there were words of wisdom that really spoke to me. So, I decided to challenge myself to take the good advice and apply it to my own life. 

Then, I thought, "Hey! I bet some of my readers might like to do this, too!"  

So, here it is, friends, my invitation to you. Join the challenge today, or at any point that you like. Take on the pieces of advice that resonate the strongest for you, or, do them all! I'll be posting two each week, so check back often.

Walk 10 to 30 minutes every day. And, smile while you walk.

This one is a no-brainer! Everyone knows that walking is one of the best and most accessible forms of exercise. Walking helps to strengthen muscles, improve balance and work out the cardiovascular system. It also releases endorphins, which makes your whole day brighter. And, if you smile as you walk, you'll not only help yourself feel even happier (it has been well-established that smiling has a direct impact on our mood), but people you encounter on your walk will also benefit. Smiles are contagious, let's start an epidemic!

So, are you on board? Let me know if you're joining my challenge, and feel free to add your own bits of advice!

Love, 
Tamera

The Chicken Pox Blues

We have a new visitor at our house! 

Chicken pox. 

One at a time, each of my children has been singing the ol' Chicken Pox Blues.

On the bright side,  I'm turning into quite the chicken pox expert. Maybe I'll even achieve master level by the time the last spot has faded from the last kid.

The night before Nicholas broke out in the pox, we had just finished reading a short novel called "The Trouble with Chickens!" What are the odds, right? So, when he came to me the next morning, complaining bitterly about the itchy red bumps, I looked at him, smiled and said, "That's the trouble with chickens!" My poor baby. But, at least my little joke made him laugh and roll his eyes at me. And that, in turn, made me laugh! So, we managed to make the best out of a bad situation.  Plus, I now have a new affectionate nickname for my biggest boy. I call him "polka dot".

Right before I sat down to write this, I had just made and placed in front of him his third green drink of the day. Luckily, I had my phone in hand and was able to catch his reply in this picture. In case you can't tell, he's saying "Noooooooooooooooooo, not another green drink! How many of these do I have to have?"

You Never Know Until You Try

People sometimes call me crazy, but I don't mind. I guess I just really love dancing to the beat of my own drum. If I get an idea to do something and it seems impossible, I go for it anyway. After all, if you don't even try, then you've already lost. 

So, when my family and I enjoyed a particularly sweet and delicious pineapple a couple of years ago, I thought how wonderful it would be if I could grow more like it. Now, I should tell you that we were at corporate headquarters in Oregon at the time, in a region that experiences snow and freezing temperatures for several months of the year.  But, I didn't let that stop me. 

I twisted the top of the pineapple off, pulled off the leaves, leaving a 3/4 inch of the stem bare, then planted it in a big pot using organic bagged soil. I wanted to give it the best chance of success that I could, so I put my little plant in a northwest corner window, knowing that it would get regular sun in the afternoon all year long. I watered it once a week, just like all of my other houseplants, and gave it no fertilizer at all.

Well, wouldn't you know it? My patience finally paid off. Two and a half years later, my efforts were rewarded with a little 5 inch pineapple springing right up from that original pineapple top. Now, I don't know if it will grow to be big and delicious like a Hawaiian pineapple, but just the excitement of my very own pineapple growing in a pot in Oregon is reward enough!

You can try it for yourself. If nothing else, you'll have an exotic plant to enjoy, and who knows, you might get gifted with a baby pineapple just like I did.

Like I always say, you never know until you try.

Guest Post - Dr. Walter J. Urban

When we wake up in the morning, we start our routine for the day. Each of us has our own special way of starting the day. Mine starts with an exercise I do in bed to slowly wake up my body.

Part of the exercise focuses on my heart as I repeat the words "heart, love and compassion." This brings my awareness to my heart. As the day progresses, we get busy with our program of things to do. Little attention is paid to our heart, as it does its job automatically. 

Take a minute and listen to your heart. Is it saying anything? Is there a message for you?

Are you on automatic, or can you stop and listen to your heart?

How would your actions and thoughts change if you could hear your heart? If you make time for your heart's message, your day may become more fulfilling. Where is the love, the loved ones - who are they? Where is the compassion - do you have any? What does your heart say each day?

Listen to your heart.

What is Joy?

With three children and a business to tend to, I find myself slipping into “functioning mom” mode pretty often. I’m usually so busy doing what needs to get done - supervising all the kids’ activities, cooking, cleaning, solving problems, big and small – that, at the end of the day, I’m often left wondering, “Where did the time go?” And, sometimes, during the late hours after everyone else has gone to bed, I feel totally depleted, like I have nothing left to give. 

That is very hard for me to admit to.

Do I love my children more than life itself? Absolutely. No question about it. I truly adore the day-to-day life of being a mom. Even the mundane parts, like reminding the kids to pick up after themselves or brush their teeth. And I cherish every moment of this fleeting time with my precious ones, because I know that, in what will seem like the blink of an eye, they will be grown and have lives independent of me.

That’s why I cringe with surprised disappointment when that little voice whispers to me every once in a while, “What about me?”

A Moment to Reflect

It seems like everyone is busy these days. We're busy working, taking the kids to their various activities, doing the million and one chores that keep a household going, etc, etc. Very rarely do we take the time to just be. I came across this video and it had a profound effect on me. It's become my favorite way to remind myself of what's really important in life.

Take a few moments to watch and reflect on the message here. You'll be glad you did.

Just One Thing

Recently, I was reading through the Harvard Business Review and came upon a blog post called To Change Effectively, Change Just One Thing . I know, the Harvard Business Review sounds like it might, at most, inspire a giant yawn, but it’s actually full of fascinating and surprisingly easy to read tidbits. Take a look sometime, you’ll probably get hooked just like I did.

This particular article began by focusing on how changing just one thing about one’s diet can lead to significant and sustained weight loss. Now, I don’t really need to lose weight, but I am interested in learning and improving as much as I can, so I kept reading. And I was glad that I did, because the author then went on to discuss how the “change one thing” principle can also be applied to business and to life in general.

That got me thinking about the one thing I could change right now that would impact my life. 

I’ve been dealing with a challenging situation for a while. It involves someone that I’ve done business with for many years, who seems to always have their hand out, asking for more and more. I finally came to the difficult conclusion that it was not an equitable situation, and that I was being taken advantage of.

I’m a giver by nature – it feels good and it attracts people of a like mind. However, I’ve found that it also, unfortunately, attracts the takers. So, I’ve had to take a really hard look at a life lesson that’s been staring me in the face – how to discern between those who share my love of giving and those who merely take advantage of it. This is not an easy thing to do! I would much rather give without reservations and have life be nothing but rainbows and unicorns. 

"You don't have to find out you're dying to start living."

I first heard about Zach Sobiech when a friend shared a post about him on Upworthy. Zach passed away on May 20, 2013 from a rare form of cancer. Every year, cancer is responsible for cutting short the lives of millions of people and forever altering the lives of millions more.  Each of their stories is unique and tragic in its own way. Here's Zach's. It may be difficult to watch, but I promise that it's worth your time.




If you like Zach's music, you can buy his album on iTunes here. It's $5.99 and the proceeds go to a research fund set up on his behalf. Or you can donate money to the research fund directly here.

I am not affiliated in any way with Zach Sobiech, his family, iTunes or the Children's Cancer Research Fund. I just really want to share this extraordinary story of a young man who rose above circumstances to be a shining example to all of us.

With love and gratitude, 
Tamera

Update from Upworthy:

Hey, everyone —

Zach Sobiech died last week. He left behind one of the most moving stories we've ever heard. We posted it on our site. And what's happened since then has blown all of our minds.

• Millions of people around the world have Liked Zach's story and shared it with their friends.

• Browsers have translated it into 21 languages (though apparently, "Wondtacular" doesn't have a translation).

• One of Zach's original recordings rose to the #1 slot on iTunes (the first time a song by an independent artist did so) and debuted on the Billboard Top 100 as the #1 digital track in the "Rock" category.

• And folks have donated hundreds of thousands of dollars to the research fund set up on his behalf to help change the fates of other kids suffering from cancer.

Sharing something on the Internet can help change the world. And that, in our opinion, is pretty wondtacular.

Difficult Times

More and more often, it seems, I wake up to news of a terrible tragedy having affected this country. When natural disasters strike, while there’s sadness and a sense of loss, we tend to understand that these things happen and we deal appropriately with the situations. 

But when the lives of innocent people are horribly altered because of the violent actions of a few individuals, it’s much harder to pick ourselves up and get on with things.

I look at my precious children and I wonder what kind of world they will be living in when they grow up. And that’s what gives me the strength and motivation to lift my head up above the sadness and sense of futility that follows an event like the bombings in Boston yesterday.

I know that every person matters and that all of our thoughts and actions contribute to creating the world we share. That’s why I choose to be kind and steer clear of negative thoughts and destructive deeds. If I can be of help, I help. If someone needs an open heart and a shoulder to cry on, I am there.  I prefer to raise my voice in joy and laughter instead of in anger.

Do I always succeed in being the best person that I can be? Hardly. Am I perfect? Far from it. But the good news is that I, like all of us, have a chance every minute of every day to make a fresh start.  And by leading lives of love and generosity, we all can affect real change in the world, both in small ways and in large. 

So, take a moment every day to decide what role you will have in the course of events and then go out into the world and make your presence felt.

With much love and compassion for all those affected by tragedy,

Tamera

Go Climb a Tree

Every once in a while, Michael and I don’t quite see eye to eye.  Nothing unusual about that. Like most couples, we talk through the issues and come to a compromise. On the topic of child rearing, he tends to be a bit more overprotective than I am. Don’t get me wrong, I worry and fret about my babies’ emotional and physical well being just as much as he does, if not more. But, I know that part of my job as a mom is to prepare my children to function independently in a world that may be indifferent and even hostile at times.

After months of renovation work, we finally moved into our new house a couple of weeks ago. I love that we have plenty of room to spread out, and a yard full of lush greenery with magnificent trees. The kids love it, too. Especially the part about the trees.  And that’s where Michael and I disagree a bit.

He thinks that it’s far too dangerous for kids to climb trees. I say, let them climb. Is there a chance that they’ll fall and get a little scraped up? Sure. 

“What if they break an arm or a leg? What will you do then?” says Michael. 

That’s a bridge I’d rather not think about crossing. Of course, I’d be heartbroken, like any mother would be. My tears would flow more easily and with greater strength than my injured child’s. But we would get to a doctor, be fitted with a cast and learn to be more careful in the future.

I took an informal poll amongst my friends and was truly surprised at the differences of opinion. Then, I did a bit of searching on the Internet. It seems that the issue isn’t as straightforward as I had assumed. In my world, childhood equals playing in the dirt, climbing trees, scraping knees and going indoors only when the sun goes down.

But, for a lot of moms and dads – well, moms more than dads - the risks outweigh the advantages, it seems. I read about the hazards, the what-ifs and the keep-them-safe-at-all-costs opinions.

One Bite at a Time

It's that time of year again. The calendar counts us down, day by day, and we finally reach the dividing line. We let go of the old and welcome the new. Resolutions are made with the best of intentions, plans are created for a fresh outlook, a different way of being.  Excitement fills the air!  

Then the weeks roll by and we soon fall right back into the old patterns we wanted to get away from. Sound familiar?

We’ve all been there.

Why are we so predictable in giving up on our goals? Maybe it’s because we set ourselves up to fail before we’ve even started.

Gratitude

A friend recently sent me this video and it made my day. Life truly is wondrous.  Let's take the time to appreciate every moment we are given. Enjoy and share with those who are dear to you.

Tamera

Out of the Mouths of Babes

Recently, I watched in wonder as a boy of about 10 years rode a unicycle expertly down one of the streets in my neighborhood. He was obviously having a great time, gliding up and down driveways, tracing large circles on the sidewalk and generally looking about as comfortable on that one wheel as most people do hanging out in their favorite easy chair. When he looked up and saw me admiring him, his face beamed with pride and joy.  I called out, “You are really good at that!”

“Thank you!” He smiled and rode toward me.

“How long have you been riding?”

“Oh, not too long. I started practicing on my friend’s uni every day after school. I just got my own today.” As we spoke, he maintained his equilibrium by rolling back and forth a couple of feet in front

Happy Thanksgiving

Recently, I received an email with pictures of Hornero birds building their mud nests, complete with a windbreak to protect their eggs and young offspring. The amount of time and work involved in making these perfect little homes boggles my mind. But even beyond that, I am amazed at how the birds know just what to do. Clearly, there is silent and powerful knowledge passed down from one generation to the next, and it plays a substantial role in allowing the species to survive and to thrive.

We humans also pass on our accumulated knowledge to our young. Many times, we use words. But, much more often, we teach through our actions. When I was a child, I heard adults say, “Do as I say, not as I do.” And I thought it was the silliest thing I’d ever heard. If what they were telling me to do was so great, how come they weren’t doing it, too?

Shared Joy is Double-Joy

 

Growing up, all my friends wanted the usual pets – dogs, cats, hamsters, horses. You know, the regular pet arsenal. Me? I wanted a chimp. Oh, did I want a chimpanzee. I had pictures of chimps on the walls of my room, I checked out library books and pored over chimp-related details, I even tried to dress as a chimp for Halloween once. Any time which seemed like the right time (but, in retrospect, clearly wasn’t), I nudged my parents about maybe bringing a chimp home to live with us. To my unending surprise, through all my pleading and well thought-out reasoning, they remained unmoved. Couldn’t they see what a great pet a chimp would make? Still, you had to give me points for my single-minded dedication to this cause.

It wasn’t until years later that my dream was realized. Well, sort of. My partner, Michael, endeared himself to me forever, when early on in our relationship, he displayed an inspired performance for me. Jumping wildly around the room and perfectly imitating the ooh-ooh-aah-aah of my favorite animal, he made me laugh until the tears flowed and won my heart like no other.

Hide It Under a Tree? Oh, No!

There's an old song I like to sing and the lyrics go like this: 

"This little light of mine, I'm gonna let it shine."

Ten gentle words wrapped in a simple tune, easy to learn and fun to sing.  Yet, we shouldn't underestimate the truth and power they contain.  We are, each of us, born with a light that makes us a unique expression of life, unlike anyone who ever was or ever will be.  That spark is easiest to see in babies and small children. The wonder in the eyes, the immense delight found in small things, the utter lack of self-consciousness.