Be Kind

Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle.

The recent death of Robin Williams has sent a wave of shock and sorrow through our society. While most of us never met him, we are feeling a real sense of loss at the departing of this man who brought joy to so many.

It's not just that it happened so suddenly. After all, had he been in a fatal car crash or something similar, we would have still mourned his passing. But, there would not have been the confusion and regret that many of us are left with. How could we not know that someone so visible, so well-loved by generations of people, and so gifted with the ability of making others laugh, could be living a life of such profound inner darkness?

And how many of us spend our days around people whom we never truly know, and who never really know us?

When we are greeted with a "How are you?", do we blurt out a cheerful "Fine!" because it's easier than actually sharing what's going on with us? When we take offense to someone's words or actions, do we give them any leeway, thinking that maybe there's a bigger picture that we're not seeing?

I don't know what difficulties Robin Williams was dealing with. I can't make everything better, even for the people closest and dearest to me.  And, I don't have any easy answers to the many problems we all face in our lives. 

All I can say is, when you have to choose, choose kindness. 

With love,

Tamera

40 Pieces of Advice Challenge - Day 8

I'm a sky gazer. It is both comfortingly familiar and yet always changing, my lifelong friend.

When I was a child, one of my favorite things to do was to play the cloud game with my mother. I'm sure you've done it yourself. You look up try to find familiar shapes in the cloud formations, the more intricate, the better. While searching the sky for a pirate ship or a cupcake topped high with frosting, my mom and I would talk about all kinds of things, important and trivial. Somehow, looking up and letting our imaginations wander helped us find words to express things to each other that may have otherwise gone unsaid in the hustle and bustle of our busy days. Even now, though my mother is gone, I still find myself looking up and smiling at the shapes I find. The vastness of the sky and the movement of the clouds reminds me that there is plenty of time to just be, to talk to people, to enjoy being alive.

As I write this now, I'm outside, listening to music composed by J.S. Bach, and watching the gauzy clouds float in the dark blue sky of night. And, I'm imagining that, some three hundred years ago, Mr. Bach looked up at the same sky, maybe taking a break from composing, or walking home after a long night of church organ playing. Could he have foreseen that a stranger, hundreds of years in the future, would take such pleasure from his compositions? Then I wonder who might be sitting in this very spot, hundreds of years from now, letting their minds wander as they lift their eyes up. This reminds me that we are all connected to one another, across time and distance, and we are all a part of this earth that is our home.

I remember a particularly breathtaking sunset a few years ago in Southern California. The billowing clouds, glowing in vivid colors of red, orange, purple and pink formed what looked like a grand staircase leading up to the heavens, with the rays of the sun spilling over their tops. I almost expected to see the pearly gates just beyond the blinding light. I sometimes think that God creates masterpieces of art every day, with the sky as his canvas, just for the sake of bringing beauty to the world. This reminds me that I am not alone, and that there are forces that are bigger than me.

Our powerful telescopes and the satellites that are now exploring space have brought us more knowledge about what lies "out there" than we, as a species, have ever before known. The tiny, glittering lights in the night sky which look to me like specks of glitter on a velvet blanket are actually giant bodies of gas and matter and are further away than I can comprehend. This reminds me that things are not always as they seem.

Have you looked at the sky today?

Teach Your Children Well

We almost never watch TV at our house. We just have too much living to do, and, really, most of what's on TV isn't worth watching, anyway. But, every once in a while, I do turn on certain shows that I find interesting. One of these shows is The Biggest Loser. I love seeing the contestants confront their demons, push through their perceived limits and transform their lives.

This season, there's a woman on the show named Tanya who really got my attention. Her lifestyle had deteriorated so much that she gained over a hundred pounds with her last pregnancy, and her baby was born grossly overweight at 11 pounds 6 ounces. Now 2 years old, Tanya's daughter is at risk for many diseases and will be climbing an uphill battle all her life. I cried right along with Tanya when she broke down and said, "I did this to her."

And it made me think of the millions of American children who are eating fake, processed foods, and leading unhealthy, sedentary lives. When I was a child, I played outside with my friends, walked or rode my bike around town and rarely sat around the house. Contrast that with today's electronic culture of video games, TV, computers, smart phones, streets empty like ghost towns. These days, when I see kids playing outside, I'm actually surprised by it. I can't tell you how sad this makes me.

Add to this the explosion of "convenience foods", and we've got the perfect mix for a whole generation of people at risk for all kinds of diseases, from diabetes to heart disease to stroke to cancer.  It is estimated that one third of all American children and adolescents are overweight or obese. It's hard for me to wrap my mind around this number. These children will, in all likelihood, grow up to be overweight adults, and I think of all the missed opportunities, the heartbreak, the economic toll on society that will follow.

And, when I think of these children, Tanya's words echo in my mind. Children do not get fat in a vacuum. There is a whole society that sets up the conditions for this to happen. But, the situation is not hopeless. To paraphrase Gandhi, we must all strive to make the changes in ourselves that we wish to see in the world.

Do we model appropriate behavior to our children? Do we make time to teach them how to make healthful meals from real, fresh ingredients or do we microwave frankenfoods to give to them during the car ride to the shopping center, where we will circle the parking lot to find the spot nearest to the entrance of the store? Do we collapse in front of the TV after dinner or do we take a walk around the neighborhood and take the time to talk to one another about the events of the day? When our children have something to say, do we give them our undivided attention, or are we staring at our smartphones?

Small changes add up to big consequences. Be mindful. Make good choices. And, remember, children are always watching and learning. What are we teaching them?

SOS

We had a lovely summer, and before we knew it, it was almost time for the kids to go back to school again. I wanted to spend some special time with my children before hopping onto the crazy happy merry-go-round of school-dance-piano-homework-sports-friends-etc. So, we decided to take a road trip, hang out together and just really enjoy being a family. In the twelve days that we spent driving around the country, we got that and so much more than we could have ever anticipated.

Upon entering Kansas, we spotted a note hanging from the "Welcome to Kansas" sign.  Well, curiosity being our calling card, we just had to investigate. This is what we found:

"You don't have to find out you're dying to start living."

I first heard about Zach Sobiech when a friend shared a post about him on Upworthy. Zach passed away on May 20, 2013 from a rare form of cancer. Every year, cancer is responsible for cutting short the lives of millions of people and forever altering the lives of millions more.  Each of their stories is unique and tragic in its own way. Here's Zach's. It may be difficult to watch, but I promise that it's worth your time.




If you like Zach's music, you can buy his album on iTunes here. It's $5.99 and the proceeds go to a research fund set up on his behalf. Or you can donate money to the research fund directly here.

I am not affiliated in any way with Zach Sobiech, his family, iTunes or the Children's Cancer Research Fund. I just really want to share this extraordinary story of a young man who rose above circumstances to be a shining example to all of us.

With love and gratitude, 
Tamera

Update from Upworthy:

Hey, everyone —

Zach Sobiech died last week. He left behind one of the most moving stories we've ever heard. We posted it on our site. And what's happened since then has blown all of our minds.

• Millions of people around the world have Liked Zach's story and shared it with their friends.

• Browsers have translated it into 21 languages (though apparently, "Wondtacular" doesn't have a translation).

• One of Zach's original recordings rose to the #1 slot on iTunes (the first time a song by an independent artist did so) and debuted on the Billboard Top 100 as the #1 digital track in the "Rock" category.

• And folks have donated hundreds of thousands of dollars to the research fund set up on his behalf to help change the fates of other kids suffering from cancer.

Sharing something on the Internet can help change the world. And that, in our opinion, is pretty wondtacular.

Gratitude

A friend recently sent me this video and it made my day. Life truly is wondrous.  Let's take the time to appreciate every moment we are given. Enjoy and share with those who are dear to you.

Tamera

Happy Thanksgiving

Recently, I received an email with pictures of Hornero birds building their mud nests, complete with a windbreak to protect their eggs and young offspring. The amount of time and work involved in making these perfect little homes boggles my mind. But even beyond that, I am amazed at how the birds know just what to do. Clearly, there is silent and powerful knowledge passed down from one generation to the next, and it plays a substantial role in allowing the species to survive and to thrive.

We humans also pass on our accumulated knowledge to our young. Many times, we use words. But, much more often, we teach through our actions. When I was a child, I heard adults say, “Do as I say, not as I do.” And I thought it was the silliest thing I’d ever heard. If what they were telling me to do was so great, how come they weren’t doing it, too?

Shared Joy is Double-Joy

 

Growing up, all my friends wanted the usual pets – dogs, cats, hamsters, horses. You know, the regular pet arsenal. Me? I wanted a chimp. Oh, did I want a chimpanzee. I had pictures of chimps on the walls of my room, I checked out library books and pored over chimp-related details, I even tried to dress as a chimp for Halloween once. Any time which seemed like the right time (but, in retrospect, clearly wasn’t), I nudged my parents about maybe bringing a chimp home to live with us. To my unending surprise, through all my pleading and well thought-out reasoning, they remained unmoved. Couldn’t they see what a great pet a chimp would make? Still, you had to give me points for my single-minded dedication to this cause.

It wasn’t until years later that my dream was realized. Well, sort of. My partner, Michael, endeared himself to me forever, when early on in our relationship, he displayed an inspired performance for me. Jumping wildly around the room and perfectly imitating the ooh-ooh-aah-aah of my favorite animal, he made me laugh until the tears flowed and won my heart like no other.

Roots and Wings

There’s a new-ish term I’ve been hearing a lot lately - helicopter parents. It refers to those parents, usually mothers, who hover over their children, scheduling every aspect of their lives, and going to extremes to shield them from disappointment and difficulty. No doubt about it, the mothers’ behavior stems from loving and wanting only the best for their children. I, too, share this desire, but my methods are a little different.

We know that exposure to germs in childhood helps strengthen the immune system and protects children from developing allergies and asthma. Ongoing studies are also suggesting that there is an age threshold to this building up of the immune system – lack of exposure during the early years can’t be compensated for in adulthood.

Hide It Under a Tree? Oh, No!

There's an old song I like to sing and the lyrics go like this: 

"This little light of mine, I'm gonna let it shine."

Ten gentle words wrapped in a simple tune, easy to learn and fun to sing.  Yet, we shouldn't underestimate the truth and power they contain.  We are, each of us, born with a light that makes us a unique expression of life, unlike anyone who ever was or ever will be.  That spark is easiest to see in babies and small children. The wonder in the eyes, the immense delight found in small things, the utter lack of self-consciousness.  

Ubuntu

Today, as most mornings, I am feeling my children away from my side. I have been so fortunate in being able to home school them during their early formative years. Together we have traveled the entire length of Route 66 and Route 10, from Oregon to Southern Florida, with many stops along the way to learn about science, history, the arts, geography and the wonders of our beautiful country. We have played music and danced, cooked dinners and read bedtime stories, gone air boating and “hunted” alligators (well, ok, we really just sit in the Everglades and observe these magnificent creatures). 


But now, the time has come for my children to begin their formal education and I am blessed to have found just the perfect school for them. Every morning, they eagerly set off for adventure. And every afternoon, the drive home is a happy cacophony of breathless stories of the day’s exciting events. I know they love this next stage of their lives. Still, it’s hard to be without my babies.