40 Pieces of Advice Challenge Day 16

It's that time of year again! The time when most people evaluate the last 12 months or so of their lives and decide on the changes they will make to improve their state of affairs.

It has been said, by those whose job it is to know these things, that losing weight is the most popular New Year's resolution. So the gyms will fill up at the start of January, maybe refrigerators and cupboards will be cleansed of junk foods and restocked with only the most nutritious of fare, weekend plans may be altered to avoid activities that involve calorie-dense alcoholic drinks. Some people might even go so far as to explore the option of weight loss surgery. 

With the exception of surgery, I'm all for these behavior changes. 

But, given that almost everyone who makes the resolution to lose weight will most likely be making the same resolution the following year, I'd say there's a hitch in the plan somewhere. And, I think that hitch is that we tend to have an all or nothing mentality. 

Need to lose weight? Ok, I'm going to run 5 miles every morning, eat only fruits, vegetables and lean protein, and so on, personalized to each person's take on the quickest way to shed the pounds. 

But, come on, this isn't how we humans operate. We will almost definitely fall short of the extreme limits we put on ourselves.  And, when the inevitable food "cheat" happens, or we miss a couple of days of exercise, we tend to fall prey to the idea that we've already blown it, so what's the use? 

I say, you want to lose weight? Or, more accurately, fat? Ok, that's great. But, you don't need to use a sledgehammer to crack a nut. 

I suggest that you start with small steps. And a great small step to take is to follow this piece of advice: have your biggest meal early in the day, and scale downward from there so that your last meal of the day is little more than a snack.

This will serve you in many ways. By eating a substantial and nutrient-dense meal in the morning, you are giving your body and brain the fuel that they need to function optimally. A smaller meal later in the day will help keep your energy on an even keel. Then, at night, when many people find themselves relieving the stresses of the day by eating mindlessly in front of their TVs (that's another issue we'll tackle another day), instead of downing a lot of potentially empty calories, just choose to have a light snack. 

Then call it a night.

Make the kitchen off limits after this last, light meal. At first, your mind may play tricks on you. It may tell you that you are starving. But, are you actually starving? No. Just remind yourself that you will have a nice big meal in the morning. Also, you are more likely to have a deeper and more restful sleep if your body isn't working hard to digest a lot of food. 

And, with all that evening time that you won't spend eating, maybe you'll have the time and energy to tackle projects you've had on the back burner, or take up new hobbies. The opportunities are limited only by your interests and imagination.

After a week or two of eating lightly in the evening, chances are you will feel so good, you'll wonder why you ever indulged in heavy dinners. 

Take this as your start. Give it at least 60 days to make a real impact in your body, mind and life. And, if you do have a big dinner occasionally, don't worry about it. Just make sure you get back on course the next day. 

So, what do you say? Does this speak to you and your experience? Please share your stories, I'd love to follow your progress!

- Tamera

40 Pieces of Advice Challenge - Day 15

Every person has an idea of what their life should be like. And, it's safe to say that these ideal life visions don't involve having any problems, not significant ones, anyway.

For most people, problems are the unwanted stumbling blocks that keep us from having and being what we truly want. And the truth is, they can be. It's hard to find the value in problems like disease, major misfortune, the death of a loved one. I'm not here to say that we should accept these problems with open arms and welcoming smiles.

What I am saying, though, is that this thing called life comes as a bundle of joys, sorrows, highs, lows and in-betweens. It's a package deal, folks.

We're handed a life and we hope that we do the best with what we're given. Do we make mistakes, often very foolish ones? No doubt about it. Would we have done things differently with knowledge gained from the results of our mistakes? Yes.

And there's the rub.

You don't know better until you've learned. And you can't learn until you go through the experience of making the "wrong" choices. As Tom Bodett famously said, in school, you're taught a lesson and then given a test. In life, you're given a test that teaches you a lesson.

Is this fair? Probably not.

But, all of our complaining, resisting and protesting won't change the rules. It's like being unhappy about the weather - shake your fist at the sky all you like, if it's gonna rain, it's gonna rain, and the clouds don't care one bit that you just had your car washed.

So, it seems to me that the wisest course of action is to learn as much as we can from the problems in our lives, whether they are created by our own thoughts and actions, or they just seem to happen to us. Take what's valuable from our experiences and leave the rest behind.

Maybe we learn that our unkind words cause serious rifts in our personal relationships and, as a result, become more careful about the words and tones of voice we use to express ourselves. Or we learn that letting our taste buds dictate our diets leads us into obesity and disease. If we have a physical or mental affliction that makes life more difficult for us than for the average person, perhaps we become more sensitive to the plight of others, leading to a more compassionate and helpful outlook.

There are as many problems as there are people in the world, and I wouldn't dream of thinking that I know the best way for anyone to navigate the treacherous seas of life.  I do know that we can make the best, or the worst, of the circumstances we encounter. We can choose to make the same mistakes over and over.  We can choose to live with anger and regret about our life circumstances.

I'd rather make the best of things. And that includes giving my problems the chance to teach me something.

Besides, can you imagine the complete boredom of a life with no problems? Picture getting everything you want, when you want it and how you want it. There's an old Twilight Zone episode about that very topic, you may want to check it out sometime. Maybe even right now:




With love,
Tamera

40 Pieces of Advice Challenge - Day 14

Today, the average person has more possessions than even the wealthiest of kings ever had throughout most of human history. We have things, organizers to organize our things, cleaning solutions and machines with which to clean our things, storage units to store our things, credit cards to help us get more things - things in our homes, things in our cars, things at our workplaces.  Things here, things there.

Really, we own a lot of stuff.

And, I don't know that we're any happier than previous generations who weren't blessed with such abundance.

Now, I'm not saying that owning objects is, in itself, a bad thing. And, even though I'm liking the rapidly growing minimalist living movement, I'm not even advocating for getting rid of your stuff. Hey, it's your stuff, if you like it, keep it.

But I do know from personal experience that physical clutter and disorder has a real effect on mental and emotional well-being.  Clutter can be a drain on your time, your energy, your productivity. It can play havoc with the flow of ideas and with creativity. 

You've probably experienced it yourself. Have you ever walked into someone's home or office and immediately felt anxious or overwhelmed? Was it because of the visual chaos that confronted you? Conversely, have you entered into a space that had the feel of a calming spa? Was everything arranged in an organically flowing and elegant manner? 

I read a book about cleaning (hey, it was interesting!) that greatly impacted my life. Really. It was about ten years ago, and I still think of this one message even today - every item in your environment should be there because you consciously chose it and you deliberately made a place for it. 

Imagine how your life might change if you had to pick up every item in your home, car or office and figure out whether or not you wanted to own it and decide just exactly where to put it. Might you have less stuff? Probably. Might the things you did decide to keep be more meaningful and useful? No doubt about it.

I have three children. Believe me when I say that between all of their activities, interest, school necessities, clothes, etc., our house is chock full of stuff. And it can truly be overwhelming to keep everything in order. Yes, sometimes our house gets messy - funny enough, it's at those times that the kids' normal clashes become more intense, more frequent. I can't prove it, but I do believe that the clutter that sometimes develops has more than a little to do with their skirmishes.

Is it worth the extra time to clear out the unneeded, organize the necessities, get rid of the outgrown? Most definitely.  Try it in your own life, I guarantee that you will notice positive changes almost immediately.

So, where to start? Well, I know that for me, paperwork accumulates the fastest. So, when you get mail, open it the same day, and decide, while it's in your hands, whether you need to file it, respond to it or throw it away. THEN TAKE IMMEDIATE ACTION.

Do you save receipts? Can you get a receipt filing software to keep track of them? If not, can you take pictures of them with your smartphone and keep those pictures in a dedicated file? Are you nostalgically attached to the seemingly thousands of pieces of artwork created by your little artist? Can you save a few of the most meaningful, take pictures of the less important before throwing them in the recycling bin or trash with the rest? Can you sign up for paperless billing?

What about your clothes? Is your closet overflowing with the fads of yesteryear that you just haven't gotten around to donating yet? What's stopping you? Get rid of anything you don't love - you'll be able to truly see what items you own, and, perhaps, what you might need. My children each have a total of 7 sets of clothes, plus a couple of nice things for special occasions. And that's it. I do laundry twice a week so that the dirty clothes don't pile up.

Are your children toys taking over your living room? Could you donate some of those items to those less fortunate? My kids have to have everything neat and orderly in their rooms every Sunday night. If I find a toy lying around as if it is meaningless, such as a stuffed animal under the couch, I watch to see if they truly play with it. If not, no harm done, I give it to someone who would really appreciate it.

For me, freedom is owning very little. It cuts down on housework, clutter, litter - opening up options for how we can best use our time and money. The rule in our house is, if something hasn't been used in 6 months, it isn't a necessary item. And, if we bring home something new, something else needs to leave.

These are just a few ideas, and you don't need to apply them all to your life. Pick and choose to suit your own particular needs. What it comes down to, I believe, is living with intention and consciousness. 

Do you have any ideas for dealing with disorder in your environment? I'd love to have you share them in the comments.

Love,

Tamera

40 Pieces of Advice Challenge - Day 13

What if I told you that, every day, I open my wallet, find a $20 bill, rip it into shreds and set it on fire?

I'm pretty sure that you would see it as a very strange practice. Maybe you would think that I was wasting something that could be of use to me or to someone else.  

And I would agree with you.  

Well, the good news is, I don't actually do that. But, most of us do burn something every single day that is worth far more than twenty dollars. And it is something we can never get more of. 

Time. 

What do you do with your time? Do you think about the past and how you should have done things differently? Do you worry about things you have no control over? Perhaps you think of everything that can go wrong in the future and end up paralyzing yourself in the present?

Do you continually find fault with the words and actions of others? Do you spend your time rehashing conversations in your mind, or have imaginary arguments with people who have done you wrong?

You're not alone. It seems to be the human condition to be wrapped up in our thoughts, constantly living in our past of our future. Many spiritual practices over thousands of years have been focused on helping us live in the present and give up our need to control things beyond our sphere of influence.  Our wisest teachers, throughout our history and our present time, have shown us, in words and by example, that life is best lived by focusing on the positive, moment by moment.

Does focusing on the positive mean that we walk with our heads in the clouds, never seeing the real needs and problems in our world? Of course not. It means finding the best course of action to take in order to serve those needs or heal those problems. It means being so mentally, emotionally and spiritually present in every moment, that we are able to see how to participate fully in this thing we call life. 

Ok, it's very easy to say, but how do you actually stay present in every moment? That is the twenty (million) dollar question. And I'm not so foolish to think that I hold the answers. What I do know is that the times I feel most alive, as though I'm seeing and hearing and feeling and smelling and tasting with amazing clarity, are the times that I am involved in following my passions. When I don't feel the passing of time because I'm exploring nature with my children, or having a heart to heart talk with a dear friend, or when I dress as a clown and make strangers smile - there are so many things. 

In these moments, it doesn't even occur to me to think about the past or contemplate the future. I just AM, and that is the most joyous state to be in. But, what if I am not in one of those moments and my mind starts down that path of worry and regret? Here are 5 things that help bring me focus:

1. Clear up any unfinished business I have with someone. Maybe it's a conversation that needs to happen, or a plan of action to be put in place, or maybe even just writing a letter that will never be sent - but getting out of my head and into the real world will automatically center me in the present moment.

2. Take action right now that will help bring about a desired outcome in the future. Am I feeling resentful because my busy day did not allow me any time to rest and refresh myself? I will take a few minutes to write down the feelings of frustration and make a plan to give myself at least a few minutes of recreation the very next day.

3. I believe in the power of laughter, so I will find something that makes me laugh. A few minutes of comedy really put things in perspective.

4. Commune with nature! I am so very fortunate to live in a place where all I have to do is step outside and I am greeted with the glory of nature. Just a few minutes of walking among trees or feeling the cool breeze play through my hair and I am refreshed and energized.

5. This one may sound like a tired old rehash, but it really works. I count my blessings. That is not to say that I compare myself to the "less fortunate", I don't. I just consciously call to mind all the good and wonderful things in my life.

So, how about you? What techniques do you use to use to keep you living in the present moment? What can you do to use the irreplaceable treasure of time to uplift your life and the lives of others?

40 Pieces of Advice Challenge - Day 12

Hello my dear readers! I didn't intend to take so much time away from my blog, but life just ordered itself in such a way that a few days of time devoted just to my family and myself turned into many days of total detachment from all things digital. It was a wonderful time to unplug and recharge ourselves with the energy of each other's company. I highly recommend periodic "getaways" to everyone, even if it's just  for a couple of hours every night.

But I've missed you all and am so excited to be back!

And now, on to Day 12 of the 40 Pieces of Advice Challenge!

This one is really timely for me. As a mom and business owner, I find myself running around all day, seemingly from one urgent task to another. I know that I'm not alone in this - being busy has become our national pastime.

It's really easy to keep giving to others, without stopping to fill our own inner well, until, one day, we find ourselves so tired, that we don't know if there's anything left to give. Can you relate? I know I've felt totally drained from time to time. And then, I remembered how, on airplanes, we're instructed to put on our own oxygen mask before attending to anyone else. There's a very real and important reason for this. If you don't have air to breathe, you may pass out before you can help anyone else.

Now, in daily life, the situation may not be as drastic as running out of oxygen in the space of a couple of minutes, but, the need to take care of yourself is just as real, just as necessary, as it is on that airplane.

So, you might be saying, that's just great, Tamera, but what does all this have to do with getting three people to smile every day?

Everything.

What's the surest way to get someone to smile? You smile at them, of course! So, the first person you need to get smiling is - yourself! Every morning, look in the mirror and smile a great big silly grin. There's no situation in the world that can't be made better with a smile. And by seeing yourself smiling, you just might think it's so goofy, that you'll even laugh. And that's a good thing.

Be light hearted. Smile at yourself. Tell yourself that this is the best moment of your life so far. And it will only be out done by the next moment. And on and on.

Once you've got yourself good and giddy, go out and infect everyone you meet with your heartfelt smile. And tell them to pass it on.

Top 5 Benefits of Smiling

1. Reduce stress
2. Release endorphins, helping to ease pain and uplift mood
3. Lower blood pressure
4. Focus the mind
5. Spread joy

So, try it tomorrow morning. Wake up, look in the mirror and smile your biggest, happiest smile, share it with the world and reap the rewards all day.

If you need inspiration, here are some wise words from one of my favorite philosophers:

"What day is it?", asked Winnie the Pooh.
"It's today," squeaked Piglet.
"My favorite day," said Pooh.

40 Pieces of Advice Challenge - Day 11

I must confess, I changed this one a bit. The original advised to drink a glass of wine each day, and I substituted that with a green smoothie. Hey, it's my blog, and if I think that a green smoothie beats a glass of wine, then that's what I'm a-gonna say!

Now, about those berries...

40 Pieces of Advice Challenge - Day 10

If you're reading this blog, chances are good that you're interested in living a healthy lifestyle. Chances are also good that you, like most people these days, understand that fresh, natural food is more beneficial than food-like substances created in factories with dyes, preservatives, fillers and chemicals not found in any food that comes from nature. There are countless scientific studies showing the effects of nutrition on health and longevity, as well as personal experiences of people who have transformed their bodies and lives through proper nutrition and exercise. It seems that every month, the covers of magazines are filled with the same enticing phrases - "lose weight, feel great", "exercise and look ten years younger", and so on, ad infinitum.

So, we know all this, but still many people get caught up in the convenience-food trap. With busy work schedules, weekends filled with catching up on chores and errands, and all the other things that seem to take hold of people's lives these days, it's easy to pick up "dinner" from a fast food joint, or pop a pre-made frozen meal in the microwave. But, the consequences of regularly filling our bodies with foods that provide very little in the way of nutrition and real energy are all around us: obesity, heart disease, cancer and exhaustion, just to name a few, have become mainstays of modern life.

As usual, the "easy" way out is anything but easy.

But there's good news, and I'm here to say that it is definitely possible to live in this busy world and still eat close to nature. Start by adding a green salad to one meal each day. You can buy bags of pre-washed and pre-cut organic greens at just about any store these days. Open up a bag, toss in a handful of raw sunflower seeds and organic grape tomatoes, squeeze some lemon juice and a bit of extra virgin olive oil, cut up half an avocado, add a dash of salt and pepper and you've got a nutritious and refreshing prelude to your lunch or dinner. You can even have a salad for your afternoon snack, instead of a sugary, fatty dessert.

It really is that simple.

In the morning, instead of pumping your system with coffee and a donut to get yourself going, how about a shot of freshly made green juice? Toss a cucumber, some kale and an orange into a juicer and, voila! you have a glassful of energy that won't have you crashing by mid-morning. Don't have time to make juice? No problem, a quarter cup of E3Live will give you over 65 vitamins, minerals, amino acids and essential acids, courtesy of Mother Nature.

Are you still craving that chocolate bar? 

Don't beat yourself up over it. Just have a nice juicy orange first, or an apple, a ripe mango, a slice of the tropical goodness of pineapple, some sweet strawberries bursting with flavor. Then wait about 30 minutes. You will probably have forgotten all about that chocolate by then. But, if you still feel like you just have to have it, go ahead, cut off a small piece and eat just that much. 

And be sure that you taste every bite of it - no mindless eating in front of the TV or computer.

By adding in desirable foods, you'll have less room for the manufactured stuff. And, believe it or not, the less you eat of the processed junk, the less you'll crave it. It's just as easy to get "hooked" on good food - it's simply a matter of letting your body and palate experience the flavors and energizing effects of the varieties of food that nature offers.

This is a process of replacing the bad with the good, and it doesn't happen overnight, as much as we might want it to.

Yes, there is a bit of planning involved. For example, when you are doing your grocery shopping, don't fill your cart with packaged foods that will tempt you when they're sitting in your cupboards at home. Buy fresh foods that need to be refrigerated. If you're meeting friends for lunch, opt out of the greasy diners and go to a salad bar.

The important thing to remember is this - you make a choice every time you put something in your mouth. And every time you make that choice, you have the opportunity to do what you know is right. If you fall, pick yourself right up and make a better choice the next time. It really is no more complicated than that.

What choices will you make today?

40 Pieces of Advice Challenge - Day 9

What are you doing right now?

Reading this blog post, either on a computer screen, a tablet or a smart phone, right? Are you sitting on a couch, in a chair? Are you at home or in a coffee shop? What do you have on your body? Chances are, you're wearing clothes, maybe jewelry. Did you shower this morning? Drive your kids to school in your car? Take the bus to work?

Are you thinking about a great film you saw recently? An article you want to share with your friends?

Do you have plans to take a trip? Maybe fly to Paris to check out the Eiffel Tower, or even walk to your local community park?

Will you call a family member just to say hi, to catch up on the latest events of your lives? Are you listening to your favorite singer right in your very own home? Are you eating toast made from a gluten-free recipe that you read about in a book?

Just stop what you are doing for a moment. 

And think.

Every thing you use in your life - from the clothes you wear, to the music you listen to, to the appliances that free up so much of your time to dedicate to doing not what you must to survive, but what you desire to really live - almost every thing around you - 

was once just a dream in someone's mind.

What will you dream about today?

40 Pieces of Advice Challenge - Day 8

I'm a sky gazer. It is both comfortingly familiar and yet always changing, my lifelong friend.

When I was a child, one of my favorite things to do was to play the cloud game with my mother. I'm sure you've done it yourself. You look up try to find familiar shapes in the cloud formations, the more intricate, the better. While searching the sky for a pirate ship or a cupcake topped high with frosting, my mom and I would talk about all kinds of things, important and trivial. Somehow, looking up and letting our imaginations wander helped us find words to express things to each other that may have otherwise gone unsaid in the hustle and bustle of our busy days. Even now, though my mother is gone, I still find myself looking up and smiling at the shapes I find. The vastness of the sky and the movement of the clouds reminds me that there is plenty of time to just be, to talk to people, to enjoy being alive.

As I write this now, I'm outside, listening to music composed by J.S. Bach, and watching the gauzy clouds float in the dark blue sky of night. And, I'm imagining that, some three hundred years ago, Mr. Bach looked up at the same sky, maybe taking a break from composing, or walking home after a long night of church organ playing. Could he have foreseen that a stranger, hundreds of years in the future, would take such pleasure from his compositions? Then I wonder who might be sitting in this very spot, hundreds of years from now, letting their minds wander as they lift their eyes up. This reminds me that we are all connected to one another, across time and distance, and we are all a part of this earth that is our home.

I remember a particularly breathtaking sunset a few years ago in Southern California. The billowing clouds, glowing in vivid colors of red, orange, purple and pink formed what looked like a grand staircase leading up to the heavens, with the rays of the sun spilling over their tops. I almost expected to see the pearly gates just beyond the blinding light. I sometimes think that God creates masterpieces of art every day, with the sky as his canvas, just for the sake of bringing beauty to the world. This reminds me that I am not alone, and that there are forces that are bigger than me.

Our powerful telescopes and the satellites that are now exploring space have brought us more knowledge about what lies "out there" than we, as a species, have ever before known. The tiny, glittering lights in the night sky which look to me like specks of glitter on a velvet blanket are actually giant bodies of gas and matter and are further away than I can comprehend. This reminds me that things are not always as they seem.

Have you looked at the sky today?

40 Pieces of Advice Challenge - Day 7

"A reader lives a thousand lives before he dies. The man who never reads lives only once."

-George R. R. Martin

All my life, I've loved getting lost in good books. Whether classic novels, science fiction, historical nonfiction or spiritual, every book I've read has given me new worlds to explore and new insights to mull over.

Lately (and, by lately, I mean since smart phones and tablets started to be my constant companions), I've noticed that I rarely pick up books any more. More often, I'm reading the latest article to make the internet rounds, or catching up on what my favorite bloggers are doing. 

Don't get me wrong, I do enjoy these "fluffy" readings. It's just that, like fluffy foods and fluffy people, I'm left feeling a little unsatisfied. Like there's a hunger that went unnoticed and unfulfilled. And, I do read with and to my children, which we all enjoy immensely. But, it's a bit different from curling up on the corner of the couch and immersing myself in a whole other world.

I've started to look at books like long-neglected friends. The well-loved books that I've lugged through many moves from house to house, the books on library shelves that I've yet to become familiar with, even books that have become famous as movies. They are all calling to me and I've decided that, starting today, I'm going to make more time and room in my life for reading books.

Do you need reasons to read more books? There are plenty! Here's an excellent article that outlines some of the main advantages.

But, in my opinion, this one is the most important. 

40 Pieces of Advice Challenge - Day 6

Do you think that playing games is just for kids? Or that, even if you wanted to, you couldn't possibly find time in your busy schedule for something as trivial as a game?

You may want to reconsider. 

Playing games is fun.

OK, seems pretty obvious. We all have our preferences. Whether you favor more physical games like tennis or softball, or you're more of a Scrabble or chess player, there's at least one game that gives you a feeling of joy and freedom from everyday concerns. And in today's world of constant busy-ness, we seem to have forgotten the need to regularly unplug and replenish our mental and spiritual energy. In fact, we have subverted this need for rest by indulging in the equivalent of junk food for the mind - we become nightly zombies in front of our TVs and computers, we lose ourselves in our smart phones and tablets . But do these activities actually do us any real good? Do we feel rejuvenated and renewed after yet another evening on the couch, with our eyes glazing over while staring at a screen that doesn't know or care that we are in the room?

Wouldn't it be better if we turned off the TV, put our phones away and reached out to an actual human in a friendly game as simple as hangman or more mentally challenging like chess? What if we actually got a group of friends together and spent a few hours shouting, laughing and getting our hearts pumping by engaging in a few rounds of charades or Pictionary? 

Playing games builds relationships.

Your child comes home, goes to the fridge, grabs a snack and heads to his room. You call after him, "How was school?" You're lucky to get a "Fine" before hearing his bedroom door shut. Sound familiar? What if you asked him to go out and shoot some hoops or throw a ball back and forth? Do you think that the shared fun activity would open up more lines of communication? When was the last time that you spent a few hours playing games with your children? 

Maybe you don't have kids, and your life seems to be an endless loop of going to work, coming home and getting chores done on weekends. How about breaking up the monotony and making new friends by joining a bowling league or an adult dodgeball team?

Playing games keeps you young at heart (and at mind).

Increasingly, studies are showing that certain games, specifically ones that challenge the mind, may protect us from age-related afflictions like dementia. And, it is now well known that isolation, which increases in our society as we get older, is a major contributor to declining health. One great way to get mental stimulation while also building a community is to play bridge. This article by Matthew Solan explains not only why bridge is an ideal game, but also gives many valuable resources for learning to play it, as well as listing some pretty surprising fans of the game. 

Playing games is a wonderful way to blow off steam, reconnect to the carefree child within, stay healthy and build supportive communities. So, go out there, find a new game or rediscover one you haven't played in years, have fun and reap the rewards in all aspects of your life! What game will you play this day?

40 Pieces of Advice Challenge - Day 5

This was kind of a difficult post for me to write. And I was really surprised by that. After all, who wouldn't agree that energy, enthusiasm and empathy are great attributes to live life by? I think that any reasonable person would immediately see the value of having the 3 E's in one's daily toolbox, so what's there to talk about? Right?

Well, upon further reflection, I thought that, while we might have every intention of living with this attitude, often, life circumstance might make it difficult to actually follow through on this intention. I mean, if you're dealing with illness, or working in an environment that doesn't align with your true self, or struggling through financial worries, the last thing you feel up to doing is working up a sense of energy or enthusiasm. But, think about it this way. Is being down in the dumps going to improve your situation? Wouldn't you rather open yourself up to new possibilities that may help you find solutions, or at the very least, give you a different outlook on present circumstances? 

I always keep in mind that idea that time stands still for no one. So, if the minutes are rolling by anyway, why not make the best of them? Does this mean that we can't ever feel sad or angry? Of course not. Feel what is appropriate and necessary to feel. And then, and this is the important part, move on! Don't wallow. Just as actions can become habits, so can ways of being. 

Ever known someone who, regardless of what happens, is never happy? Can find something to criticize in every situation? How do you think they got to be that way? 

As for empathy, I think that it's one of the most significant human traits. It's the ability we have of putting ourselves in someone else's shoes and feeling what they feel. Ever heard of the Golden Rule? Treat others as you would have them treat you. It's so basic and important that even very young children, who have not yet been taught society's rules, instinctively understand it. Often they express it as, "It's not fair!" Being empathetic is also a central aspect of many spiritual paths, often expressed as an attitude of non-judgement. 

While the 3 E's may not come easily, they can be cultivated on a daily basis. If you catch yourself at any moment not living with energy, enthusiasm and empathy, the solution is easy. Take a deep breath and invite these ways of being in. It's really nothing more than an attitude adjustment. 

In parting, I'd like to pass on this allegorical story, which has been shared many times all over the internet. I believe that it's a valuable reminder about how attitude affects not only our lives, but the lives of everyone around us.

Two men, both seriously ill, occupied the same hospital room. One man was allowed to sit up in his bed for an hour each afternoon to help drain the fluid from his lungs. His bed was next to the room's only window. The other man had to spend all his time flat on his back. 

The men talked for hours on end. They spoke of their wives and families, their homes, their jobs, their involvement in the military service, where they had been on vacation.


Every afternoon when the man in the bed by the window could sit up, he would pass the time by describing to his roommate all the things he could see outside the window. The man in the other bed began to live for those one hour periods where his world would be broadened and enlivened by all the activity and color of the world outside.


The window overlooked a park with a lovely lake. Ducks and swans played on the water while children sailed their model boats. Young lovers walked arm in arm amidst flower of every color and a fine view of the city skyline could be seen in the distance.


As the man by the window described all this in exquisite detail, the man on the other side of the room would close his eyes and imagine the picturesque scene.


One warm afternoon, the man by the window described a parade passing by. Although the other man couldn't hear the band, he could see it - in his mind's eye, as the gentleman by the window portrayed it with descriptive words.


Days and weeks passed.


One morning, the day nurse arrived to bring water for their baths only to find the lifeless body of the man by the window, who had died peacefully in his sleep. She was saddened and called the hospital attendants to take the body away.


As soon as it seemed appropriate, the other man asked if he could be moved next to the window. The nurse was happy to make the switch, and, after making sure that he was comfortable, she left him alone.


Slowly, painfully, he propped himself up on one elbow to take his first look at the world outside. He strained to slowly turn to look out the window beside the bed. It faced a blank wall. the man asked the nurse what could have compelled his deceased roommate to describe such wonderful things outside this window.


The nurse replied that the man had been blind and could not even see the wall.


She said, "Perhaps he simply wanted to encourage you."

40 Pieces of Advice Challenge - Day 4

This is my favorite piece of advice so far, because I've been a goal setter from as far back as I can remember. I love having a plan for my day - it gives me direction and I feel great that I'm accomplishing what is important to me. And, as soon as my children were old enough to understand, I talked to them about what we wanted to accomplish that day. Even now, during our morning drive to school, we take turns talking about our plans for the day.

It's through our goals that we discover who we are and where we want to put our energies. Goals help us to see the big picture. They give us strength to get through the difficult times and keep us from being easily distracted by what is unimportant. 

Goals need to be specific.
So, if, for example, one of the kids says something like, "My goal today is to make a new friend", I would ask them how they planned on doing that. Are they going to say hello to someone on the playground that they've never talked with before? Are they going to have a pleasant expression on their face, so that people will be naturally drawn to them? 

Goals need to be written down.
Even if you never read what you've written, just the physical act of putting pen to paper (or fingers to keyboard) makes them a real part of your life.

Goals need to be achievable. 
Is your goal to be an Olympic athlete? That's great. But, if you're in your 50's and have never been physically active, then that's not an achievable goal for you. However, a completely achievable goal in the same vein would be to compete in a local tennis championship. Then, to work toward that goal, you'd need to set a smaller goal that would set you on the right track. For example, you could sign up for tennis classes at your local athletic club or community college.

Goals need to be measurable. 
"My goal is to get in shape." How many times have you heard that line? Or, maybe even said it. The spirit of this goal is admirable, but the problem with the way it's worded is that there's no way to know when it's been achieved. So, working from "get in shape", we can say something like, "My goal is to be able to do 50 pushups in a row." Or, "My goal is to be able to run a 5K in 25 minutes." 

With that being said, sometimes you have a goal for the kind of day you want to create that is more of a feeling than a concrete goal. That's ok, too! My kids and I are on a new kick of using adjectives and adverbs to plan our days. Here are this morning's selections:

Annie wanted a cool, swinging kind of day.
Nicholas said he wanted a wonderful road runner beep beep kinda day. And Jayden planned a happy bamama jamama jumping kind of day.

Do you have a goal you gave up on? Or are you newly inspired to lead your life in a different direction? Maybe you just want to have some fun! The best thing about goals is that you can have as many as you like and you can change them as you need to. The most important thing, though, is to start identifying your goals and get on with achieving them!

So what goals are you setting for yourself? Let me know in the comments section!

40 Pieces of Advice Challenge - Day 3

I don't know anyone who doesn't like music. Sure, people may disagree on what they like to listen to, but there seems to be something about music that makes it an important part of the human experience.

We use music in celebration, in mourning, in spiritual practices, to create bonds with one another across cultures and generations, to enhance our physical activities.  If you think about it, there's hardly any situation that can't be made better by the addition of music.

And, increasingly, science is starting to uncover why music is such an important part of our lives.

For one thing, listening to music helps boost our immune systems, creating antibodies to fight disease.  Music can also create a noticeable increase in recovery from a wide range of conditions, including heart disease, lung ailments, stroke and even the common cold. Even in our day-to-day lives, listening to good music helps reduce stress by lowering cortisol levels.

Have you ever had the experience of hearing a song and being instantly transported to a different time and place? Maybe it was a song from your teenage years, or music that you and a special someone considered "your song". This same principle applies to people suffering from dementia. It has been shown that music can bring back memories for these people that are not otherwise available to them.

And, if that wasn't enough, studies have found that certain kinds of music, especially classical piano music, can raise spatial reasoning the equivalent of 9 IQ points.

We don't yet fully understand how it is that music has such profound effects on us. But, that shouldn't stop us from enjoying this gift as often as we can.

So, when you wake up in the morning, instead of turning on your TV, start your day off with music. If you're feeling stressed at work, close your office door for a few minutes, turn on a good tune and dance like nobody's watching. When the kids are bickering, instead of shouting at them, put on some calming classical music and let it work its magic.

Make good music a part of your life every day, and you will be happier and healthier!

40 Pieces of Advice Challenge - Day 2

Recently I ran into a friend I hadn't seen for a few years. While it was great to catch up on the events in each other's lives, I did notice that we spent a lot of time talking about how busy we are.

Being busy has become a badge of honor in our society, especially for moms who work both inside and outside the home.  Somehow, we have come to feel that if our lives are not filled with around the clock activity, then we are falling behind everyone else, like we are less-than. The truth is that busy-ness does not define who we are.
Who we are defines who we are.

That may sound like some kind of zen riddle, but it's not meant to.

Think about it. When you were a child, did you feel the need to make to-do lists? Did you live by your calendar? Or, did you maybe spend hours at a time exploring in the back yard, or riding your bike around town, or climbing up trees to see the world from a different place? More than likely, you had nothing to prove, no agenda to see through. You were just being you.

Now, I'm not saying that we shouldn't grow up and mature, that we shouldn't take on responsibilities and commitments. What I am saying is that while our roles in life change, we should still honor who we are aside from all that.

One way of keeping the integrity of who we truly are, is to detach from the world for a few minutes every day. Many people call this sort of thing meditation. And, if you want to meditate in a more formal, directed manner, you should definitely explore that option. But, what I'm talking about is simply sitting alone for at least 10 minutes a day, maybe with an invigorating fresh green smoothie, and just letting your thoughts drift. Maybe you can reawaken long-forgotten dreams, or discover a new interest that will finally be heard in the silence, or see a new way of tackling a problematic situation, or just revel in the freedom of not thinking about anything, not having to do anything. The possibilities are limitless.

One thing is for sure, though. You will come to cherish and appreciate your alone time. And, you'll go back into your life roles with renewed enthusiasm and energy. So, start today, or tomorrow morning, start whenever you're ready. The most important thing, though, is to start. Because you never know where those 10 minutes a day will lead you.

40 Pieces of Advice Challenge - Day 1

Happy New Year to all of my dear readers! While the date on the calendar is an arbitrary way of organizing the days of our lives, it's still a great opportunity for us to take stock of where we are, how far we've come and where we are headed.

Recently, I received one of those forwarded emails that people send to friends, full of pictures of animals that make everyone say "Aww, isn't that cute!"  It was called Forty Pieces of Advice, and across each picture, there were words of wisdom that really spoke to me. So, I decided to challenge myself to take the good advice and apply it to my own life. 

Then, I thought, "Hey! I bet some of my readers might like to do this, too!"  

So, here it is, friends, my invitation to you. Join the challenge today, or at any point that you like. Take on the pieces of advice that resonate the strongest for you, or, do them all! I'll be posting two each week, so check back often.

Walk 10 to 30 minutes every day. And, smile while you walk.

This one is a no-brainer! Everyone knows that walking is one of the best and most accessible forms of exercise. Walking helps to strengthen muscles, improve balance and work out the cardiovascular system. It also releases endorphins, which makes your whole day brighter. And, if you smile as you walk, you'll not only help yourself feel even happier (it has been well-established that smiling has a direct impact on our mood), but people you encounter on your walk will also benefit. Smiles are contagious, let's start an epidemic!

So, are you on board? Let me know if you're joining my challenge, and feel free to add your own bits of advice!

Love, 
Tamera