Guest Post - Montino Bourbon

I fell in love, I was betrayed, and now...

I still remember my first taste of catchup; I must have been about 6 years old, in Austria, visiting my brother-in-law's relatives. There was a mysterious red sauce in a bottle, and I was allowed to taste it. It was doled out like liquid gold, and as far as I'm concerned, it was.

When I arrived in the United States at age 8, in 1950, I soon became acquainted with Heinz tomato ketchup, and it quickly became my favorite condiment. Adults used to say that I put catchup on everything. “I'll bet that he even puts ketchup on ice cream” they used to say of my fondness for what I consider to be the ultimate sauce. 

Years later, I actually tried out catchup on ice cream.  

It was an experience I need not repeat. 

But at least I gave the lie to those who said that I “even put catch up on ice cream”. I sometimes wear a T shirt that says “I put catchup on my catchup”. I have been known to compose poems to catchup, such as:

       One sauce to rule them all, one sauce to find them

       One sauce to put on the scrambled eggs and thereby bind them

Recently, I found out that Heinz had sold out to Monsanto, the ultimate betrayal. I resolved that I was going to make acceptable catchup at home, and so I researched recipes. It turns out that in the old days, catchup was fermented. I found a recipe and made up this batch, fermented it for 5 days as directed, and now have decanted it. The next time I have scrambled eggs, I will put it to the ultimate test.

I have taken a solemn vow; no more Heinz. It breaks my heart, but it'll be better for both of us. I cannot countenance this betrayal and remain in this sick relationship. I'll remember you fondly, from back when you were just a simple American company, but I do not intend to let any of your products pass my lips ever again. 

I am resolved to make the best catchup ever.

Cry bitter tears, Heinz; you have lost your most faithful customer.

Here is a very simple recipe for non-fermented catchup.

one 6-ounce can tomato paste
1/2 cup maple syrup
1/2 cup white vinegar
1/4 cup water
1 tablespoon sugar
1 teaspoon salt
Very finely chopped onion and garlic, to taste

Mix all ingredients together, simmer for about half an hour, then refrigerate. 

The next time I write, I will tell you all about fermented ketchup, which is the way that ketchup used to be made in the “old days”. And yes, there are a variety of spellings; from the original “ketjap", we now have ketchup, catchup, catsup, and a few others.

Montino Bourbon